new york, you did me right...sort of

well, i just got back from an AMAZING nyc get away. i was determined to make-out with a stranger (i know, i aim high). i just wanted to have a moment of fun without having the repercussions i do when i am in la i.e. my ex-boyfriend shows up and totally cb's me or i realize the guy i have been flirting with all night is an actor. so, it's saturday night and i after some sushi and lots of sake, i am ready to get my make-out on. well, i go out to meet an old friend that now lives in the city, and he has brought a friend with him, and he ends up being hot. this was exactly what i was hoping for. well, as the friend starts hitting on me i realize that things might actually go my way. we seem to be hitting it off, and he continues to tell me he wants to kiss me...but then he won't seem to make the move. well, this is slightly confusing to me. i mean, i am here for one night, and i don't really ever want to talk or see you again after tonight guy. you are cute enough, seem nice enough, and that is really all i need for this sort of situation. SO MAKE THE MOVE ALREADY! well i finally reach in for a kiss, and we make-out for a little. but when i pull away, he sighs, heavily, over and over again. now, this is NOT a normal reaction - i know it has been awhile since i have made-out (i don't want to talk about it) but this is not the way it should go. unknowing where else to go with this, i ask, "are you ok?" his response is some bs about how he really likes me and wishes that i lived in nyc and doesn't want to get swept up in anything with me. OK, listen girls, this is a line. that is absolutely not what he really means, trust me. so as soon as he says this line, i think to myself "he is gay or has a girlfriend." i decide, since i'm never planning on seeing him again, to ask him if he has a girlfriend. He says no, and swears that's not it. well, then he is gay i decide. He kisses me again and has a similar, but much less dramatic reaction of heavy sighs from the first. ok, this is getting fucking weird. So he suggests we get out of there, and grabs my hand before we can even find my friend that i intentionally went there to see. but honestly, who cares. i'm trying to get to the bottom of this make-out sesh. so we are walking the streets of NYC, randomly making out, which is exactly what i planned on doing. Well, suddenly he asks, "should we go back to your place?" alright, this is probably where i would normally draw the line, even though i am trying to hooch it up a little. but i kind of want to hook up...just not on my friend's couch. I suggest we go to his place, but he starts that heavy sighing again! he explains that his roommate josh is really nosy and he doesn't want him in our business. OK, josh, your "roommate" - at least now i know he is gay. I start to laugh to myself i go to hail a cab cause this is just going nowhere. he suggests to accompany me home, even though he knows he can't come up. We continue to make out in the cab, cause i don't care whether he is gay or not...either way he is hot. but when we arrive outside of my friend's apartment complex, where the couch i am crashing on is, he gets out of the cab to follow me. Unfortunately the cab drives off before i get the words "where the fuck do you think you are going?" out of my mouth. Alright, here is where my lesson for guys comes in. NEVER SAY ANY OF THESE PHRASES TO A GIRL: "I have to get rid of this." alright, i am assuming he is talking about his boner, to which i say, "um that is not my problem." he continues on, even to beg for at least a hand-job (i hope that was a low point in your life buddy, begging for a handy? look at your life, look at your choices). I tell him that he can't come up, but it was nice making out with him, and then he finally unloads on me...ew, not in that way you sickos! He admits that he has a girlfriend, a very serious girlfriend, who is thinking about moving to nyc for him. in fact, she is so seriously thinking about moving, that she is sleeping in his bed right now and planning on checking out apartments tomorrow. alright, so "josh" formerly his gay lover is now "jenna" his serious girlfriend. we end the night with him saying "so you understand, i can't go home with this" (again, assuming this means his boner). so, boys, if you ever think that the girl you are cheating on your girlfriend with is going to have sympathy for you, think again. I laugh and tell him good luck and head inside. To say the least, i got what i wanted out of nyc: good shopping, good food, a fun make-out, and a great story. but i have to admit, i am curious as to how he explained "this" to his girlfriend....

boy do i hate my pride

pride. seems to get in the way of most everything i do. luckily, career wise, it doesn't hurt to have a lot of it - in fact it only helps your case in possibly being promoted. But in a relationship, or even just dating, pride only hurts your case. Well, to say the least, my career is sky rocketing higher and faster than i ever expected. So, naturally, my love life is dwindling by a string. And i just cant seem to get past my pride to ever actually heal any wounds that i ultimately caused myself anyway to help any of my insane relationships succeed.

Throughout this blog, you will watch me trip over my pride over and over again. listen, dating is a learning process...but a slow one. a really slow one. especially when it comes to me. i have so far had one actual relationship in my entire 25 years of life, and that was in college, so i don't know how much that counts. especially since it was so up and down and, well, we were drunk majority of the time anyway. that being said, as soon as i left college and moved to los angeles, i found myself in a variety of strange relationships, learning but not always following those rules and lessons that i learned. well, it is pretty much the same old story many girls my age have attempting to date, but here is my twist on it. i hope that the ride is more enjoyable to read about than it is to actually live through. but i find i thrive in awkward situations, which is lucky since that is a constant in my life.